Songs In My Heart

The future... a reality or just a dream?

2008-03-27T08:40:00.004+08:00

I was about to post on my birthday and share the simple moments I've spent on being 20. Yet sadly, my 20th birthday isn't really much to celebrate. When I was young, I always look forward to the day of my birthday, but as I grew old I didn't expect much out of it. Maybe it's an adult-becoming-getting-older-thing. Either way, I really didn't have that much of a blast.

The day started of with me being bug by my old firends in my cellphone. My bestfreind greeted me and told me that she's 7 mos. pregnant. I was so surprised that she's giving birth on May and now asking to be her child's "ninang". Then I had breakfast, I saw my mom already making food and greeted me with a smile. I was so happy by then, even a simple greeting from my mom means a lot to me. I asked where my dad is, but mom said he's at work. It was a bit of a turn-off when dad wasn't here on my birthday. By he did sent me a text message and greeted me happy birthday. Ok, that made me feel a lil better. My lil bro treated me a lil nicely back then too. I was contented with just being with my family.

But~ my day wasn't all simple and clean. I stood up and got ready for school, yeah I got an exam on my birthday. And to top it all up, it's one of my major subjects. So I went to school a bit early and spent my free time reviewing. My friends and classmates gave me their greetings and returned them with a thank you. It really made me smile, even though my head was already aching from the things I'm studying. My friend Nica even gave a a bar of chocolate, she knew I lov chocolates. Then my Friend Jenny gave me a knitted cellphone strap made by her mom. It was so cute, I love simple handmade gifts.

Then finally, exam time came and I was so nervous when I took it. I whispered a simple short prayer before answering it, coz by then I needed guidance to pass this exam. It really freakin' hard. When I passed my answer sheet, I met up with my thesismates. We prepped our thesis for submission and passed it that day. But the unexpected reality hit us like a buolder rolling down the mountain ---- We're not included in the list of schedules of oral defense. That really pissed me off, wtf happened?! we finished our thesis on time, yet we don't have a sched?! blast it all!

After calming myself down, we've decided to calll on our adviser and tell her about our problem. She assured us that we'll be on the list, but she didn't even know that she's gonna be on the defense for 2 days. gawd... that day was so frustrating.

The frustration lightly subsided when I got home. My mom was cooking spaghetti, and the smell of fried chicken filled the chicken. It really made me hungry after the nosebleed-exam I took. When we're about to start eating, my mom opened a big box of cake at the table, it was a mocha cake with pink and white frosting on it. The celebration isn't really much, I don't have any visitors and friends that I invited, it was only us three, my mom, me and my bro and with my dad at work.

After eating I went up and spent my time online. I was a bit more happy after seeing my forum friends' greeting from the birthday thread my hubby made. I was really happy back then, at least they gave me more reason to be happy on my birthday.

Yet sadly, my happiness on that day was short-lived, when my dad gave me a letter of approved immigration to New Zealand. It's true, by next year after my graduation, my whole family and I will be going to New Zealand to start a new life. Of course, in my inner most thoughts, it felt like both my heart and soul were shattered into tiny pieces. And yet my face gave a mask of happiness when my dad told me the "great" news". I couldn't be more happier for y father, he worked so hard to get this immigration, and now here I am thinking of what my future will be when the next 2009 comes.

I told this news to my significant other the next night, I can't affor to tell him at once becuase I thought it was all just a joke from my dad. It was only then that I realized that our immgiration was indeed a reality. I confirmed it when my dad told me he'll be giving me a new laptop for my next birthday. But I said I'd rather have a car by next year after I graduate, of course, I was only koing with that line. But my dad told me I wouldn't be needing a car, since we'll be going away here soon. His words struck deep into my heart, and gave me anguish pain down to the very ends of my soul. Yte my pain was kept deep inside me, with a false smile etched on my face. I was trying to hide my ture feelings...

Then after dinner, I immediately dialed my significant other and told him the news. It hit him hard, as hard it hit me. Silence fell in the telephone lines and only our breathing can be heard. Soon, silence broke with my little sobs of sadness. What will I do now? Will I go away and leave you here? How about us? How about me? How about my career? How will I live my life I I continue to live under the same roof with my parents? These questions haunted me like suffocating nightmare in the night. These same words I spoke to my boyfriend and slowly drowned into my own tears.

I dont' want to go, that's my decison. And my reason is not only becaus of love, but because of letting myself to be independent. I want to start my own life, I wanna make my own decisions, I wanna live my story and continue to pursue my dreams. I'm staying her to practice my career, I'm not only here to get my license, but I'm here to be an effective nurse. At least I wanna stay here and practice my nursing career, and then when the time comes go to abroad and work myself till I die. Then, when I have enough money, I'll bring my family here to live anew. That's my plan for my future. For me, for my family, and to what I wanna be in the future.

But my plans are slowly drifting away, when my dad said about going to New Zealand. That's not in my plans... Now I'm confused of what to do to myself.

I'm scared...

I'm scared of what the future will bring...

I'm scared of reality...

I'm scared of losing my love...

That night, I prayed... I prayed so hard to God to listen to my heart. I asked for guidance and for strenght. I prayed that I wish that that night was only just a dream...

If only it was a dream... wake me up...

My dream, my knight... my Abel...

2008-03-21T18:27:00.005+08:00

I had a really weird dream last night. Weird and at the same time scary. I slept around 11:30 pm that night, coz I was studying in advance for my exams. At first I couldn't sleep, so I turned on my TV and watched some late night cartoons at CN. Slowly, sleep followed and drifted off to dreamland.

It was dark and could see nothing but the emptiness of space. It was then that I heard a distinct sound from a far. I searched for the direction to where I believe my ears leads me. Eventually, I saw a figure of a tall man in his middle age. He has long white straight hair that glistened in this darkness. He wore a long heavy black coat that blends well with the environment. I know him, he's Abel Nightroad.

I know its weird... I was dreaming of an anime character that night. But my dream doesn't end with only Abel. It continued to move on as I see more Traitor Game characters. I saw from my dream kuya Megane's character Satou, ate jetz's Nozomu. I also saw Tetsu and Negi, K', Lulu and even my old PC Euphie. But the worst part is, I saw dark menacing figure of the lord of Barovia, Strahd von Zarovich.

I dreamt of running away from the evil presence of the dark lord. trying so hard to get away from his shadow enveloping us to a deeper blanket of darkness. I swear that I was so freaked out seeing Strahd's pair of red eyes glaring at us. I could hear his evil maniac laugh echoing in the darkness.

I felt so scared back then, that I could only run and scream my heart out. I reached out my hand hoping that someone might pull me out this dream and wake me up. And would you believe that the one who grabbed my hand was the white haired priest, Abel.

I felt his strong arm grabbed mine, his deep blue eyes peircing past his glasses and looking into mine. That last thing I saw was the slender smile etched on his face and his gentle orbs that told me silently that everything will be alright.

it was him that pulled me out of that terrible nightmare. I know that to those who will read this, you'll probaly think its not that terrible after all, and some might even laught at it. But to me, a dream like this is something that I would think of dreaming again.

By then time I woke up, I was already breathing heavily, sweating coldly in this warm night. I couldn't hide under my blanket as to what I always do, due to the heat of the night. My blanket serves as a comfort relief for me and gives me a feeling of being secure as it envelops me in the night. So as of instinct, I immediately called UC by the phone for comfort, as to what I always do. I told him my dream and let me stay for awhile with him.

Slowly, I forgot the feeling of fear and helplessness from my dream just by hearing my Significant Other's voice. My dearest Abel came to my rescue that night.

Our last clinical rotation: The day I felt like a real Cmt'y Health Nurse

2008-03-18T10:20:00.003+08:00

We finally came to the point where we will spend our last clinical rotation for this semester. Our group went to Bagbaguin Caloocan Health Center to finish the last rotation. It was a rather long trip from the school, and we even got strangled in a traffic jam on our first day. I didn’t expect that Bagbaguin would be so far away, and is probably located on the mountains. Luckily we rented a service for this trip, and then eventually found the center we’re looking for.

Bagbaguin Health Center was a rather big center we’ve seen so far in our rotations. It was located between the church and an elementary school. There, we finally met our Clinical Instructor, Ma’am Racquel Bernardo. She seems nice and kind towards us, not to mention her smile that greeted us. Not much CIs smile towards us often.

After a few minutes of orientation and a little tour around the place, we headed to the other health center which is at Caybiga. Caybiga Health center was a little small compared to Bagbauin, but even so, the place was still packed with mothers and babies. We were a bit shocked seeing the large numbers of mothers with their babies to be immunized. But even so, the health workers at the place were so nice and good to us, we often ask for their guidance in our work.

When we placed out bags down, we grabbed our stuff and headed straight to battle. We were assigned to each station, which are: admitting patients, taking vital signs, health teaching and immunizations. At first, I got assigned in the admitting station, where I did countless interviews and health teachings to the mothers. I know I made a lot of mistakes in recording and documenting the necessary data for chart, but little by little I learned a lot from my mistakes.

After a while, I finally got the chance to immunize babies and mothers. I thought I’m gonna be stuck downstairs and forever interview mothers. Thankfully, I got my chance to hold my syringe and poke them. I was really looking forward to this, coz I want to train myself in injecting syringes.

By the time we’re done with immunization, we ate our lunch and rested for a bit. Later in the afternoon, we went out to public and began giving off free Vitamin A to children. To add a little bit of spice and fun for the day, we took it as a race for us to who finishes with the most number of Vit. A given. We slipped in every nooks and crannies of the small town and gave vit. A drops for kids. We finished by 5:30 pm and got the number of 74 capsules of vit. A. It was a close fight for all of us, we were ranked 2nd place. It’s not that bad, we enjoyed giving off vitamins and helping people in need. It really made the end of our first day a blast.

The second day of our duty wasn’t really much different from the first. But this time, we worked at Bagbaguin Center. Since the place was much bigger than Caybiga, the place has more mothers and babies in line. Again, I started off with the admitting station, then to the immunization. Slowly, I got used in injecting babies and mothers. But I still make mistakes in recording in the patients charts. I learned I gotta take it slow and analyze the situation first, before writing stuff down on the chart. I even got reprimanded by our CI, but I took it in a nice way and viewed it for me to improve for the next time. I don’t mind being scolded, for as long as my mistakes are corrected, my skills will be improved for the better. I was fortunate to have a CI like Ma’am Racquel, she’d always explain to me how to do and what to do in the area. And I am thankful for her guidance.

In the afternoon, after the immunization and prenatal check-ups, we handled TB patients. To be honest, I was so scared in handling communicable patients. But I learned that we nurses must know how to deal with such cases. I handled 3 TB patients, and taught them on how to take their meds. I did a little health teaching on explaining what TB is. I also found out, that these patients are in a state of depression, so we nurses must learn and teach them on how to cope and deal with it.

After that, we ended the day by going to another small town and giving off free vitamin A for kids. It was a new program of DOH for April, so we’re starting off early this March to meet the target goal. We didn’t give that much that day, we only gave around 50 capsules or so. But even so, it felt good helping out people in a way.

When we went back to pack our things, we took a little moment to take pictures for documentations, as well as to make memories of the days we’ve spent in our last clinical rotation. I can say, it was a fun and tiring experience, but then again, we enjoyed that exhausting work all day. For me, those 2 days at bagbaguin really made me feel like a true Community Health Nurse.

HTVF Christmas Party!

2007-12-28T09:11:00.000+08:00

Yeah! This is the best gift I got this Christmas! A 10 Voices Lacus Clyne I-doll! I was so happy when I finally got it from my dearest Significant Other. I'm so happy that I could cry.

I got it yesterday, when UC and I met at Mcdo Fairview before we head out to the party. It was wrapped in a pretty pink wrapper, that I really don't want to open due to my hubby's gift wrapping skills. XD But I still like it... ehehe

The moment I opened it, I couldn't wait to try her out. So we stripped her out of her box to try out the 10 voices. Eight of them are from ep 24-46 of GSD, the other two are original voices.

The details were great, from her pink hair down to her delicate feet. Though we were very careful to pull her out the box, even in untwinning her wires which are very hard to pull out. Heck I can't let anything bad happen to my dear dear Lacus. Not even a single scratch to her kunoichi outfit.

And speaking of details, she's even detailed down there. She's wearing a pink thong undie. XD

In which UC tried to peak at it. Pantyshot. T___T nice try hon... but no...

Anyways, this is definitely a gift to remember AND to treasure. Coz I know he went through the trouble to hund down this gift.

Thanks so much hon. Love you ^___^

Moving along, UC and I waited at Mcdo for Chacha to arrive. We hang out for awhile before we finally set off to the party. And again, for the second time and second xmas party - we got lost. T___T

Luckily, Yuber and kuya tomiko and the gand were still at Mcdo Q. Ave.

By the time we finally arrived at ESNA bldg. there were already lotsa people inside. Not so long, the party started with the introduction of the newbies, along with some picture taking.

And a little after that, its chow time!The food was ok, lotsa sweets are there, like donuts and cakes.

And then after eating, here comes the fun part - GAMES! We played picture frame, in which we'll pose into something what they want us to portray. Here we did a belen... ehehe... poor Crono XD

woohoo... we won the mirmo plushie next time mirumo naman XD great job to UC for knowing the history answers, and Cha for kuya Leo's name... as for me na mental block ako sa excitement... dun ako hiniblood . gomen to kuya gdawg for screaming a high pitch voice at the last round na overwhelm ako *giggles*

All in all the party was great. Thanks to kuya g, ate cha and ate edz and rest of the admods for making it such a fun day. We truly are a one big happy family forum ^___^

Minmay on H3

2007-12-06T17:29:00.000+08:00

Do you remember? The time when our eyes first met?
Do you remember? The time when our hands first touched? That was the very first time I set out on the journey of love.
I love you so.

^^ Do you know what those lines are? Those lines are from the song Do You Remember Love, sung by the legendary songstress of anime - Lynn Minmay from Macross.

Lynn Minmay is one of my fave anime character of all time. Being known as the VERY FIRST singer idol in the history of anime. Plus hearing the song Do You Remember Love from Macross will definitely inspire you to love this one of a kind songstress.

Yep, it's true. I cosplayed Minmay back on the 2nd day of H3 (Dec. 2 2007 at SMX). It's a shame though, that I didn't get the chance to join the cosplay contest. But despite that, I still had fun. This event could be one of the happiest cons I've been this year. One reason, is that both me and my Significant Other (Ultimate Coordinator) are both veteran forumers in HERO TV Forum. Plus the fact that we're hanging out with our forum buddies.

The event itself was good, though I heard some complaints to many cosplayers about the exhausting line for 2 hrs. eehehhhe... I guess joining big cons have its disadvantages XD.

But even so, I still enjoyed it, lotsa booths and anime stores, contests and games, and of course food!

As usual for cosplayers is to meet new cosplay friends and be taken pics by photographers. Of course I enjoyed posing and stuff, but the thing I enjoyed most is walking around the area with my hubby XD.

Though there are a lot of times we've been separated by some people who wanna take my pics. I was surprised that still some people knows my character of this classic anime which is Macross.

Speaking of Macross, they said there were cosplayer from Filcosplay( http://cosplay.ph/forums/ ), attended and cosplayed some Macross cosplayers like Myung and Max Jenius, and ofcourse the popular hi-tech singer Sharon Apple.

Not only that, Sailor Mars was there! I took the liberty of asking to take a pic of her for some cosplay memories.

To add things up, 2 of my classmates came to see me cosplay. It was so nice of them to come and support me.

ANd seeing me in costume made them drop their jaws XD. Its not eveyday that they see their Nursing classmate in a costume.

And speaking of costume, my forum friends and I, took some rounds to walk around the area. And we were hit by lotsa flashes from cameras. LOL. From the left,that's namelissis, then yuuki_setsu and then me. The booth behind us was the booth of hero forumers, where we hung out.

All in all, I had fun, being with my hubby and my friends. I never thought that being an otaku can be so much fun. Plus being a cosplayer for your fave character can be more fun then ever. XD

PS: thanks to UC, namelissis, kuya tomiko, Tammy and Fart for the pics.

Do You Remember Minmay?

2007-11-30T13:17:00.000+08:00

This coming Dec. 1-2 on SMX, is the much awaited event of Hataw Hanep Hero 3. Anime fans will gathering in one place to participate and join the event. Lotsa games and activities will be there and so as booths of your fave anime store. Thanks a lot to HTVF and Filcosplay for the infos. http://cosplay.ph/forums/

And of course, this event is very important to those anime fans that will be participating in the cosplay event. Cosplayers like me will be very much likely to be excited in this convention.

Sadly, I won't be able to participate in the cosplay event due to my class, so I'll be costripping again. But this time, my costrip will be one of my fave anime characters in all time.

Lynn Minmay fom Macross/Robotech, a classic anime in the year 1982. Known as the Legendary Singer in the universe of Anime. The songstress who used her songs to battle the forces of Zentraedi for the survival of mankind. It is through her that inspired the thought of using songstresses for anime Like Lacus Clyne (my fave), Meer Campbell, Wong Liu Mei, etc.

So this year, I wanna try something out by costripping this one of a kind pop idol Minmay, to revive her songs and memories for the love of Macross! ehehe

Anyways, I wanna share to you guys about my costume this H3. It's really not much and I didn't spend much money for this costume too. *what luck XD*

Starting with her white dress, since I don't have much time to ask my aunt to sew it for me, I bought a white tube top and borrowed a white pleated skirt from my fellow forumer- Femme Fatale aka Rouge Cagalli.

Then for the pink ribbon and scarf along with the white transparent skirt, those are the only things I asked my aunt to sew for me, which cost me 250 bucks.

My boots were the same I used in my Lacus costume, I only made my own boot covers to match up my costume.

Then for the gloes, I bought a pair at SM and dyed it pink, using fabric dye.

All in all, this costume cost me 470 Php. I told you its not much ehehehe. A good costume doesn't mean you have to spend much too... XD Im sooo excited to try this out, so I can't wait for the event. All i can do now is wait for Dec 2 and at the same time practice my dance steps. ehehehhe

PS: credit to RC for the skirt. XD

The day when my dreams came true.

2007-11-28T13:54:00.000+08:00

Hooraaayyy for my first costrip! Well yeah its not much of a cosplay coz i didn't get the chance to register on time fo the event. But even so, the feeling of wearing the same outfit and portaying your fave anime character is superb. I really dunno what are the right words to say and describe how i felt that day. But I know fo a fact that I truly enjoyed my first costip in UP AME '07.

I got a lot of smiles and "thanks" from my friends fo commenting on my costume. They told me that I look good in Lacus' kunoichi outfit. *blush*

Anyways, back to topic, the event was good. It was a bit small, but it could accomodate the whole otaku people and enjoy the like of an otaku. Many thanks to cosplay. ph = http://cosplay.ph/news.php for bringing all those otaku fans together.

One thing only bothers me though, its the fact that I didn't get the chance to wear my wig much. I didn't expect that the venue would be sooooo hot. I have the knack of fainting in hot places, plus the crowd makes me dizzy and faint.

What I like about the event, is that I got the chance of buying some anime stuff. I bought 3 keychains for 100 bucks, i gave one to my hubby, which he totally wants Haruhi in a bunny suit. And UC bought me gashapons/ anime figurines of Kira and Lacus, and a couple of CDs of Shakugan No Shana and Mai Otome.

My fave aspect in my costume would be wearing the outfit itself, and ofcourse carrying that famous pink ball aka Pink chan/Haro. I worked so hard to get one, all thanks to one of HTVF's forumers - Clone.

Carrying haro made me feel more In Character *giggles*

It was fun posing and smiling in font of cams, but it was also tiring and the flashes makes me temporarily blind. @__@
Cosplay really is a wonderful thing when it comes to an otaku. Its a chance for you, me and all of us to be like the character that you adore and love.

And ofcourse, you'll never know that the anime that you know and love will bring hearts together. Like to what happened to me and my Significant Other (UC). And to make things better, freinds will be there for you for support and emotional back-up. This special pic is us three fiends fom Hero TV Forum, from the left: jhisk as Cornet, namelissis as Lili and me as Lacus.

For me, I'll never ever forget that day, Nov 24, 2007 at UP Bahay ng Alumni or UP AME - "The day when my dreams came true..."

PS: Thanks to Yuber, Rikkaidai, namelissis and UC for the pics

Making my hairclip

2007-11-21T14:34:00.000+08:00

This is final touch for my Lacus costume that I'll be cosplaying on UP AME - her hairclip. From the very start of doing my costume, I considered this one as the hardest part in the making of my costume. I don't want an ordinary cardboard pin for my hairpin, so I scratched the thought of using illustration board.

I thouht of buying the ones sold online on ebay, but I don't have my credit card access, my dad will kill me T___T. Then I thought of asking a metalsmith of forging it for me, but I can't find one. I tried sculpting it with clay and plaster, but its too heavy for the wig.

Until finally, I learned from http://www.cosplay.ph//forums/ Filcosplay about rubber sheets. Well, I know its not the best material for making accessories, but it won't bend like cardboard, it won't break like plaster, it's not heavy like clay, and its cheap compared to custom accessories fom a metalsmith.

But~ I'm very far from Marikina where they sell very cheap rubber sheets, so I went to HandyMan Hardware Store and bought small piece of rubber called Trimming Mat, it's a rubber sheet with adhesive on the other side. It cost me 30 bucks for that rubber. Then I went to the bookstore and bought gold acrylic paint for 70 bucks.

So I went home immediately and started shaping and cutting my hairpin. It was hard to get the shape of it, kinda like a lightning-shaped one. And then I started painting it with gold. Then attached a normal hairpin underneath so it could fit in with my hair/wig.

Then here it is, my Lacus Clyne hairclip.

My first costume: Lacus Clyne

2007-11-20T16:45:00.000+08:00

Lacus Clyne is main female protagonist in the anime series Mobile Suit Gundam Seed and Destiny. Lacus is the daughter of the former chairman of PLANTs Siegel Clyne. She is known as the "Pink-haired princess" and the "Songtress of ZAFT". She is a pacifist who seeks peace for both Naturals and Coordinators alike. And she uses her songs to reach down into the people's hearts.

In this costume, she's wearing a kunoichi type outfit. She wore this during Destiny while inside the Eternal, this is also known as the Commander outfit. She's wearing a short black sleeveless ninja-type outfit with pink and purple linings, with a wide pink ribbon wrapped around her waist. A pair of white platform boots and a pair of fingerless gloves also comes along with his outfit, as well as her red ribbon for her hair.

Indeed, Lacus Clyne is a kind, lovable songtress of peace by day, but she's also a strong brave Commander of Terminal by night.

My otakuness has already gone to a high level. This will be my first cosplay or costrip rather for this year. Unfortunately, I can't join the cosplay at the upcoming UP AME event this coming Nov. 24 due to my class skeds. But despite of that, it won't hinder my cosplaying desires. So I'm still going as planned.

This is the costume I'll be weaing this coming Saturday, the Commander outfit of Lacus Clyne, my fave anime character.

I'll be discusing about my preparation for my costume and cosplay. Thanks to http://cosplay.ph/news.php for helping me a lot for my cosplay needs XD

First off, let's start with my wig. I bought the wih at Lynelle located at Greenhills, sister store of Mannequin Inc. Thanks to ate Syrel for her help and assistance.

Anyways, at first this wig is white. Yep, i bought a long white wavy wig. The only available pink wig at mannequin is very bright pink wig and its not long enough for me. I saw a light one that is perfect fo Lacus but its too short. So I've decided to learn how to dye a wig, and so I did. Again, thanks to lilith_lumierie at cosplay.ph for the dying tutorial.

The wig came out nice and good, and Im very happy with the result. I'll just have to style it and tie it when i wear it on the event.
The wig cost me around 2.2k, less 10% for cosplayer discount XD

Next is my outfit itself. Black sleeves kunoichi outfit with a red and purple linings and a wide pink ribbon around the waist. I forgot what kind of cloth was used in this costume, if im not mistaken its only geena, so it didn't cost me that much. It's only 350 bucks for both cloth and service of the seamstress.

The seamstress also told me, that the hardest part in making this costume is the pink linings. *giggles* Sorry for making it hard for her. XD

Then along with the outfit was a pair of gloves. I didn't use spandex in this one, coz its too expnesive and I have to cut costs T___T. I asked the seamstress to buy me a black pair and here it is. I just cut out the fingers though, I almost ruined it in the process, so I have to sew it back in to make it more stable. The glooves cost my 50 bucks.

And of course, what's a Lacus Clyne without a pink-chan?! So I got my pink haro from a forumer friend from HTVF. At last! I have a pink haro! We'll not exactly the haro i want, but this as to do.

Then here comes one of the hardest part of my costume - the boots. It's a good thing filcosplay members are there to help me find places to go for cosplay stuff. So thanks to sir eva for telling me about Ohio at Quiapo.

Me along with my other cosplay friends went on a scout for materials for cosplay, and we stopped over at quiapo for this one. Ohio and Silvermoon is the same shop, still located near Quiapo Church. It cost me around 300 bucks for this pair, 8 inches white boots made out of synthetic leather.

The only things left is my Lacus hairclip which I will be makin tomorrow. And for the red ribbon, i'll be wearing it on the event itself, when im wearing my wig XD. All in all this costume cost me around 2680php, my dying materials aren't included in that.

So this is my very first costume - Lacus Clyne, and most of it is all thanks to my friends, forum buddies, cosplay pals, cosplay.ph, Herotv and of course my Significant Other (Ultimate Coordinator).

Back to school

2007-11-09T17:43:00.000+08:00

Back to school again, and this sem isn't really a stroll in a park for me from now on. I'm up for new subjects with greater and heavier weight adding up on my pressures. This sem, I'm taking up Research and Philippine History. I really dunno why we have to take up history but what can I do about it.

But what really worries me is my major subject fo this year, which makes up 16 units of my course, and that is Nursing Care Management (NCM) 102 aka Medical Surgical. Goodness, by the sound of it, it really is a toughie one for me.

To add things up, my sked for this sem is hindering me from my planned cosplays, and it's driving me to depression. *sigh*

If only I could take just 1 day of leave from class, just 1 day... so that i could cosplay for the vey first time. But again, I can't do that... studies comes in first and I know how important my studies and my future career is to my family.

A sad dream for the first day of the month

2007-11-01T15:02:00.000+08:00

My first entry for the month of November.

I didn't sleep that much last night, so I spent the night talking to UC for a while. But e got sleeping right away and called in a night for both of us. I tried to go to sleep then, but it seems that sleep hasn't visited me yet.

I stayed up to watch anime and took my time to finish the 2nd CD of Azumanga Daioh. While I'm in the middle of watching, UC texted me that he'll be going oout fo a while. it was about 10pm when he texted me. I replied an "ok" and be back home soon, then continued watching my anime. The hilarious comedy tired me out, making me sleepy, it was already 11:30 pm, but UC isn't home yet . I texted him again, and he said that he wal helping out some police case or some sort. He came home 1:30 am, he talked fo a while, till we both got sleepy and tired.

2:30 am I woke up from a dream. It was no ordinary dream, coz this time I dreamt about my late Grandpa. I dreamt about wide white stoned halls inside a huge building. And in the middle of the building there was a an open space for a garden, then at the center of the garden has a small pool. At the other side of the garden were my other relatives, my aunts and uncles, grandparents, cousins. I miss them so much.

Then they started to walk away, and as of instinct, I ran after them. I ran across the garden and then the pool. The water was making my movements slow, then I reached out to them fo help, but they weren't listening, they don't seem to hear my calls. So i tried to move faster so i can catch up, but by the time i got out fo the water, they were already far far away from me.

And so I ran, I ran up to them as fast as I could. And then finally, I caught up with my grandpa (my dad's side), I was so happy, I held his hand while walking and talking in the halls. But suddenly, he stopped and he moved in front of me. He grabbed my shoulders and looked at me deep in my eyes. And then he said to me with his gentle and caring smile, that he'll be going away. He said something about retiring coz he's tired.

I really don't know what to do or say, I just held out my hands to reach up for him while he started to fade away. I don't want my grandpa to go. The intense feeling of sadness made me work up fom my dream. And the first thing I did was cry. I dunno whether to feel sad or scared, coz I just dreamt about my dead lolo.

I instantly called UC on the phone and told him about my dream. I needed someone to tell them, I was scared too you know, and I felt sad thinking about it too. UC told me, that my lolo was visiting me, telling me that he loves me. But all I did during our talk was cry and cry until I fell asleep again.

Yuki Ohna: my first vector!

2007-10-26T19:48:00.000+08:00

May I present to everyone, Yuki Ohna, an 18 y/o Extended OMNI Pilot. She's my PC at Gundam Seed Rennaissance, an RPG forum managed by me and my hubby UC. Well the reason I posted her here, is not only because to introduce you all to her, but to finally announce that Yuki is my VERY FIRST vector art.

She is originally Tamaki from To Heart 2. I already made the Tamaki my First PC as Agni Xelhes, and made Yuki Ohna as her twin. But i gotta change her appearance to make it look good for my story.

Anyways, I know for a fact that this work of mine isn't good. And for beginners like me, I used paths instead of shapes for the outlines. It took me more then 6 hours to finish her outlines. And it took me another 6 hours to color her. I sually don't have the patience to vector, coz its too much time consuming, but thanks to GSR's RP thread of Silve, it made me push through to finish it. It's all Silve's fault! *giggles*

This one also has alot of flaws, like using paths for outlines, and a lot of spills for the colors. But still, im starting to learn more everyday by trying out new things. Who knows, maybe next time, I can finally do a much better vector art.

But for now, I really can't stop staring at my dear Yuki Ohna. ^___^ she's sooo darn kawaii! and im very proud of my very first vector art XD

My rantings about Gundam 00

2007-10-23T20:47:00.000+08:00

I just finished watching the latest series of Gundam, which is Mobile Suit Gundam 00. It took part in a very different timeline compared from the last series of GS/GSD. It was 2307 AD, and the main protagonist is a young boy named Setsuna F. Seiei. Setsuna is part of a private military organization, called Celestial Being, formed to eradicate war with the use of four humanoid machines called Gundams. Mobile Suit Gundam 00 follows four mobile suit pilots termed Gundam Meisters (Setsuna F Seiei, Lockon Stratos, Allelujah Haptism and Tieria Erde).

Setsuna looks like a younger, crazier, more psycho version of Heero. Allelujah has a very wierd name for a pilot, and Tieria looks like a girl or Athrun who just had his hair rebonded. The four male pilots in a group clearly proves that 00 is a rip-off of Gundam Wing, which is mostly to be Yaoi. And yes, I'm saying that this 00 is a Yaoi series.

As much as I wanna support this series, it really got me down knowing that it has major flaws. I'll just site some that I already metioned from the forum Im in.

1. I do undertand that the timeline is far different than CE. So i can scratch a bit of technolgy improvements in this series. Although the cockpit of the MS looks roomy, and i like that.

2. The Gundam Emblem/mark or whatsoever looks kinda like a brand for Gundam Enterprises... no offense

3. I don't like the music that much... its not Gundam-ish if you ask me. Even if the first OP is sung by LArcEnCiel

4. Where are the pretty sparkling lights? There aren't much beams and sabers and explosions and stuff.

5. The animation is good.. i can say that... its flowings and nice. But as you can see and if you look at it closely, the pic and animation's colors looks dull. It lacks life if you ask me. It's like code geass but a lil bit of Gundam

6. The mobile suits aren't much of a problem to me. Except that I don't like Exia... it looks kinda thin, too thin to be exact. Kinda like malnourished >_<>_<

7. The characters looks like... uhmm... pardon the pun... yaoi-ish... i thought that guy with the glasses has normal hair, but he has a high ponytail... ten there's a Solomon look-a-like from Blood+. And even a Haruhi Fujioka look-a-like... not to mention Tiera... looks like Athrun na nagpa-rebond

8. I do like the pink-haired mechanic and the blue-dressed princess that acts like Lacus... plus the Chinese singer that looks like Minmei from Macross

9. And the protagonist... uhh... all i can say is that he does look and even act and talk like Heeru Yuy... nothing much special about him as i see it. (but i could be wrong since its just the first ep.) but then again, he looks too normal.

10. The pacing of the story is too slow for me... it focused that te war rather than the character... you can say it as not character-centered XD

BONUS: Haro as a targeting computer? anyways, pardon my rants... but so far my rate for this Gundam 00 is 6/10... 6.5 the most...

^^that's my review when i first watched ep 1.

ANd this next one is for ep 2.

First off, i take back of what i said about the animation being good in quality. Seeing the 2nd ep really broke my heart. The character movements were too "stiff". They are not life-like and they move like dolls or in UC's words mannequins.

The characters mouths doesn't move that right, the cheeks aren't even moving if you look at it. I know it not much of a priority to some other fans, but it really gave my previous rating of 6.5 to 6.0

ANd another thing i'd want to comment about the series, is that it lacks music. Not even a single insert song was played in it, it reduces the feeling of watching anime.

I'd say that music is an essential part of anime, and knowing that 00 doesn't have one yet... well, i'll leave the rest of the rants to myself >_<

Going back to movements of the series, now i got what UC told me on the phone. The battle is "one-sided", the gundams have more advantages of both speed and power, while the "tank-ish" enemies moves like lego blocks. Unfair naman sa kabilang side di ba? it shows that the gundams have the upper hand of the battle - always. Para bang laging strike freedom ang dating... ilang segundo lang tapos na ang laban, i thought no more godly-gundams here T___T

Oh, and about the haro... im starting to like him XD Orange-kun!!! not the one in code geass i mean... but having him in auto-pilot is kinda kewl.. and the irritating comments like "loser! loser!" to Lockon is adding quite a few cuteness-points XD

Last thing though, about the pilots. Why don't they even say their lines properley? its like their saying their launching sequence in "monotone"... do you guys get me? again, it lacks life...

oh, and that Lousie girl- did i get her name right? the girl in the first part ofthe ep, the blonde one with the haruhi-fujioka-guy-look-a-like.... im gonna watch her... she could be the next Lunamaria Hawke T___T

And lastly, enough about those, let's go to ep 3

Honestly, this ep really brings out the Yaoi-ness of the series. First off, Allelujah just wore a very tight fitting black shirt that gave emphasis to his body. Not much that I question their sense of fashion or preferance for clothes - i still think its gayish.

Plus the fact that they hang out at the mall for some drinks. It really is the first time I saw Gundam Pilots hanging out at express station or soemthing...

Then Lockon just ordered milk for Setsuna, there's no harm there, just plain old milk. But wat really got me was the thing he said, "Just looking after you kid." accompannied by a "bang" hand gesture at Setsuna. O.o

Ok, enough about the mall thing. Let's skip to the next scene, in which Tieria wore a pretty pink sweater, ok again I have no right to question their fashion statements, but it really gives off the wrong impression. Plus another thing is when he refused to celebrate with his crew and captain when he got back to their ship. He looked away from his captain and said, "I got other things to do." <---- gotta message of "sorry, im not interested in partying with girls."

Moving along, there's a new character in the seires that I don't know the name. He's a guy with blonde hair and the scene happened at the bar. He sat beside the guy and said, "Is this seat taken?" gawd! that really gave away 00's cover! it's Yaoi!

Im sorry, I really can't take it any longer. I can't even make another review in this series. So if there are any 00 fans out there that is reading this post of mine - Im sorry, but this gundam really made my hairs stand. After all the eps has been aired, i'll bet all my money on having tons of fanfics about this in the yaoi category, just like gundam wing.

ANyways, I'll end this post here, along with my apologies to 00 fans. But i gotta go and watch "real" gundam series.

HERO Cosplayers' Divi Trip!!!

2007-10-21T21:04:00.000+08:00

Yesterday was quite a blast for me! I went out with my fellow forumers/cosplayers to scout for materials for our costumes. First off, I traveled the farthest MRT station, which is TAFT to meet up with Yuber. I was running a little late coz I was panicking a bit for my things. And as expected of MRT, there's no seat left for me. *pouts* I was left standing for almost the whole MRT trip.

When I reached TAFT, I met up with Yuber and to my surprise, Rikkaidai was there too. The more the merrier, ehehe... Anyways, we headed to Mcdo DLSU, where we are to meet up with ate jetz and namelissis. It was the first time that I saw those two ehehhe...

We ate lunch first at Mcdo, then after talking about forum and cosplay stuff we headed out to our expedition in search of materials. It was a long ride towards divisoria, it took us more or less 20 mins to reach it.

By the time we arrived at divi, it was already so crowded and busy that I dunno where to start looking. Thankfully we got Yuber and Rikkaidai for our tour guide XD

We headed first to 168, where we found lotsa bargain anime stores! Yuber was right, all the anime items sold at CA can be bought at 168 too - at 50-75% off the price! I was itching to buy the Shinku (rozen maiden) figurine for only 1.2k and the Suigintou for only 800 bucks! plus the Suzaku and Lelouch for only 600! gawd! it's anime heaven! oh yeah, they got anime DVDs too XD

And after going through 168, we headed straight to Tutuban for our main objective - WIGS!. I was quite excited about buying my wig. But when I found out that they don't have the wig I like, my heart was broken into pieces. I saw this really light shade of pink wig for my Lacus cosplay, but its not long enough. I asked it there's gonna be another shipment of supplies but its gonna take a while for it to arrive. I could ask to make a custome wig with the same color and lenght of my choice, but it'll take me 2 months to wait and cost me around 5k! That's suicide! >_<

So I finally thought of just buying a white wig and dying it to make the shade I want. But my problem is how? I do know the materials to be used, but im not quite sure of how the procedure works. Thankfully, I found a tutorial at some cosplay forum and now my problem is solve - hopefully.

Then after that ate jetz bid her farewell and went back to school for her class. But we still have to pursue the rest of our hunt, and that is BOOTS! So we've decided to go to Quiapo - the best place to look for shoemakers and stores.

But before that, we went out to look for fabrics for Yuber and found a hidden shop full of all kinds of fabrics and leathers. I guess the best place for the right material os always out of sight.

And finally we went to Quiapo to look for shops for customized boots. Thankfully, it wasn't that hard to look for it. And in that store, it only cost me 300 bucks for my white Lacus boots! what a bargain! XD

We were about to head and go home, but we had the urge of going to SM Manila just for fun. And also to look at some wigs at the department stores. We found some decent ones, but I'm still thinking of buying the one at divi. And after a short rest and food at Mcdo (again). We took a picture of our moment of eating XD

The only proof of our divi trip. Too bad ate jetz wasn't there by that time. But there are other times to make it up for it ^___^

All in all, it was very tiring yet very fun and exciting too! Thanks for the wonderful day guys!

Sleepless Night

2007-10-12T17:59:00.000+08:00

Yesterday was really a pretty bad day for me. I was supposed to be happy coz I finally finished my exams, thus ending this semester. It's sad though, coz I fear of what the results of my grades will be. I don't wanna fail ofcourse, but the pressure is building up.

In that same day, my frieds an I celebrated our victory of winning 1st place in the Nursing's Week JunkArt Competition. We won 3000 php as cash prize, plus a certificate. Our entry was called Medi-Lamp, i'll tell you guys all about it by the time I upload the pics.

I can still tolerate the happenings by then, but chaos struck when I got home. It saddens me knowing that this thing happened to me. It pains me coz I never thought it would hurt this much. Lemme share a little story about a litltle and her candy.

One day, there's this little girl who was so smart and cute. The little girl's mother sent her to do some errands to buy something at the store. Her mother gave her money for the expenses and told her to give her the change afterwards. The girl obeyed, and starts walking back home once he erands are done.

On her way home she met her firends who just bought the tastiest, sweetest, yummiest candy in the store. Envious, she wanted to try just one candy fo her to taste. There's a lot of money that was left from her errand, but her mother told her to give back the change.

Fighting her sweet temptation, the girl hesitated to buy the candy. But her firends urged her to, and finally she gave in. She bought the biggest, sweetest red candy in the store. It was so good, sweet and yummy, she enjoyed the treat on her way back home, but the money that was supposed to be given back to her mother was spent on her candy.

Her mother got disappointed, and reprimanded the little girl. Feeling sad and hurt, the little girl cried, she thought she was smart, but not smart enough to resists her temptations.

That night, I felt so sad that I couldn't stop myself from crying. I cried and cried until I couldn't cry anymore. I was so desparate to talk to someone, but to no avail. No one was there. I never felt so alone in my life.

It was 2am, and yet sleep still hasn't come. My head was aching, and so as my heart. I feel so depressed that I couldn't find myself to stop crying, My eyes red, my cheeks swollen, my head splitting in half. I couldn't even remember if I ever slept that night. The night that I almost drowned in my own tears.

EDIT: No money was taken during this post ^_^

My Hospital Duty Memories as a Nurse

2007-09-30T14:12:00.000+08:00

Just a few more days and this semester will be over, It's been quite a while since I posted here. A lot had happened to me with the past few weeks. Sadly, I was busy and I can't keep my blog that updated much.

Starting tomorrow, in the first day of October, I'll be keeping myself busy by reviewing my notes and lessons for the upcoming final exmas. My hospital duties has ended, and we just celebrated the Nursing Week last week.

And before this semester ends, I'd like to reminisce my past experiences as a student nurse, and my hospital duties.

This is my first case presentation with my group 3A3. Our first area rotaion is 5A the pediatric ward. We really had a hard time there, since it s our first duty. We got scolded as a group in our first day, and the head nurse was surely mad at us. Yet our Clinical Instructor remained patient with us, she still guided us in one of the hardest ward in the hsopital.

I know, I've seen posted this pic of me and my baby patient from NICU. But this ward is the most enjoyable ward I've been. That it made me decide to be a NICU nurse someday.

This is our first duty outside our school's hospital, we traveled far to North Caloocan, and reached Nodado General Hospital. We are assigned in the Delivery Room, where we handle pregnant cases.

This is also us at Nodado Gen. Hos., we were required to wear scrubsuits to practice sterility. And by this time we posted as nurses from Grey's Anatomy, in which we think that we are better that Grey's. XD

This is a pic of me and one of my groupmates, her name is Joy. We aren't doing much, but slacking in the confereance room where we just goof around and wait for deliveries.

This is me and my friend Tamara. As you have noticed, I was wearing a weird expression in my face right? XD

And this one is a photo of us girls only in the group. See the writing on the blackboard? It says, "100% virgins" *giggles*

And this is us doing exactly nothing. eheheheh. I'm the one sleeping, the one sitting at the left part of the table. Some are playing PSP, reading mags, eating, reading pocketbooks, sleeping, listening o music, and some are just plain quiet.

And this pic is just for fun. eheheheh. The first one looks like we're mental patients. While the second one looks like we're being squished. Guess where I was in that pic.

And finally, this is one of my pic from our last rotation area, which is the Cielito Helath Center at Caloocan. It was small and crowded, everyday was always a busy day. Every Monday is check-up day, Tuesday is Prenatal day and Wednesday is bakuna day. This pic is when I was giving a shot of Tenaus Toxoid for a mom. This is my least favorite part of my rotation, coz it was always hot and crowded. I'm glad that was over.

Well, that was my rotation area for this semester, more hospital duties as a nurse next sem. It's been fun and wild, and I enjoyed my stay in every area, (at least to some XD). Hopefully, I can putmore pics of this, especially my rotation o\at the private ward.

But for now, this is it.... I'll try to update soon.

SE designs

2007-09-20T10:29:00.000+08:00

I've developed a knack in making siggy and avy nowadays. Ever since I was a child I really love art, and I guess now it developed into this. I know Im not yet that good, but at least im improving my works. Whenever I see a nice pic, I have an urge of making them into either sigs or avy. And I also have a lil bonus for my works. I have put a trademark on the corner of my works, SE designs... thanks to my hubby for making it XDMy recent tworks are based from photo manipulations, such as this one: the siggy of Fuji

And then came this one, this one is really one of my faves, entitled: Autumn Love.

And my latest work is this one, entitled: Eternal Love. I know the backgourd is simple looking, but that is based on advanced glow in photoshop. I asked a friend from Minitokyo (that's moonscape) to vector this image, and I just got it yesterday, in which I immediately turned it into that siggy.It may be simple but, simplicity is beauty. I was thinking of making a wallpaper out of this image, but I'm still thinking of a fitting BG for it. I really like that image, to be honest. Coz for me, the image gives me a message of Kira and Lacus' true love for each other. That image is based on the GSD special ending, where they hugged in each other in front of everybody. For me, it says that:

"This is who we truly are, we are just Kira and Lacus, and not the Chairwoman and the Ultimate Coordinator. This is our love..."

Lucky me! XD

2007-09-14T17:36:00.000+08:00

Things were starting to go back to normal, as I just finished our duty rotation at Nodado General Hospital. We were assigned at the Delivery Room, we didn't do much all day but just sit around the conference room and wait for mothers to run at the DR to give birth.

I managed to have 2 cases in the DR. I did cord care first, I cut the baby's umbilical cord and cleaned it, gave him an oil bath, weighed him, measured him, gave him eye medicine and injected him Vit. K. It was so cool to managed babies!!!

Then my 2nd case, was a natural delivery through the mom's vagina. It was quite an experience really, seeing those parts of a female up close, plus the red blood gushing out her "you know what". But the best part is, I did an actual assist to the doctor! Woohoo! It might not sound that big to you guys, but it's a big accomplishment for student nurses. XD

Then after my duty days, I got good news concerning my grades - I passed!!! Well at least so far so good, both prelim and midterm grades were good and stable. Just a lil more and this semester will be over.

All mixed up

2007-09-10T08:34:00.000+08:00

I really don't know how to start this entry, coz right now a lot of my emotions are mixed up together. Fear... Pain... Confusion... Loneliness... and Sadness...

I fear some things right now, coz Im scared of what might happen to me now, later or sometime in the future. Some of you may know that I have a heart problem right now. I've been feeling my heart palplitations a lot more frequently than before. And my chest pains happened to me again. I told my folks about it, and called my cardio right away. He said that if ever I felt my palpitations again, I'll breathe deeply in a brown bag. Then undergo 2D scan on Monday. Again, I got scared, I dunno what might be the result be.

I'm in pain, not only physically but also mentally or emotionally. The pressure I feel in my chest scares me, as well as the irregular skipping beats of my heart. But I can still tolerate those symptoms, what really hurt me, are the words my mom just said yesterday. She asked me if I want to go to the hospital, I told her "bahala kayo...". And then she said, "Hindi ako ang may nararamdaman, ikaw yon." And by that, I didn't answer back, I don't wanna start a fight.

The reason why I said "bahala kayo..." is not because im denying that I do feel something that is not normal. It's just that I'm not the one who's gonna pay for the 2D scan. I heard my mom said that 2D scan is expenssive, but my dad said its fine for as long as its for me. Of course, knowing my dad, he just said that coz i was there listening to them. We're not rich, and I know that the scan will cost us money, even just for my consultation it will cost us. I just thought, I don't want to trouble my parents about money because of me. I know we're talking about health, but let's face it - we're still talkin about money. And money doesn't grow in trees.

I'm confused right now, coz I don't know what to do with my life. Of course Im concerned with my health. But I'm also concerned with my family. Maybe that's why I felt like crying, coz I dunno what to do, but there are so many things to think of.

I'm lonely, coz I don't have someone to tell my feelings or problems right now. It's hard for me to see that you're already having troubles and I don't want to add up to your pressures and concerns. I don't have my friends with me all the time, and I don't wanna bother my folks as well. For now, this blog is helping me in every little way.

I' m sad coz right now, I just feel like crying in a corner of my room. I dunno why, but I just felt like releasing my feelings locked up inside me. I've been causing trouble to the people around me. I've been worrying the people who cares for me, and yet it is me who causes all those things to them. That's why I've been saying a lot of "Im sorry" to you lately.

So if ever you are reading this, "I'm sorry." I know that it is hard for you not to worry about me, its because you love me and you care for my health. But I can take care of myself and I can manage. It hurts me whenever you're troubled by your problems and I can't do anything to help.

You know how much I love you, so please understand just like the way I understand you. All I ask is for your support and understanding. Thank you so much. I love you...

Back to reality

2007-09-07T13:10:00.000+08:00

I'm back to the real world of nursing again. Back to 8 hours of hospital duties and afterwards 3 hours of lessons. Gyaahhh!

My shifts for 2 weeks is at Nodado General Hospital by 2 pm-10 pm during Mondays to Wednesdays. It was quite far from both my home and school, so traveling from my home to the hospital is already tiring enough for me.

My work area is at the Delivery Room, so I got the chance to watch how a mother gives birth to her child either through normal delivery or Cesarean. It was quite fun actually, all the blood gushing out of the mother and how cute the babies are when they come out, except their blood covered bodies.

I got the chance again to do bathing to the babies and cut their cords to their mothers. It was really quite an experince, and i'd love to take care more of those babies.

But ofcourse, it wasn't much fun to just wait for pregnant mother to run towards the hospital to give birth. Sometimes, we don't any cases, so we just hang and goof around the conference room. After the shift, it was a hell of a travel due to traffic. It's a good thing I have a classmate who I can ride with along the way and just drop me off near our subdivision.

When I got home, I grab the phone and dial to my hubby's house. We'll talk for awhile and I'll take a bath afterwards and sleep. I've been restless for the past few days, juggling my hospital duties and school works. so I don't have much time to update here.

So then, i'll end my entry here and try to catch some Zs. ^_^

Happy 1st Anniversary!

2007-09-03T09:00:00.000+08:00

Today is a very special day for me and to my Significant Other Jon. The 3rd of September is our anniversary and today is our first. Time flies so fast that I didn't realize that we've come so far. I could still remember that fateful day, when you were telling uber bad jokes like, "what about your bee? found a honey? honey, bee, honeybee? get it? hehehe*chuckles*"

When you told me im cute when I sigh, when we always have the same meals everyday like sinigang and karekare, and you and guys were making fun out of you-know-who at bananuts clan, how we role-play our PCs at YM, how we discussed about my fic and yours and how IC i was in the fic and how i relate my feelings to her back then, the time when you promised me to be my hubby.

and finally when we exchanged our vows as Goldmoon and Riverwind:

Riverwind;
Now in the belly of winter,
when ground and sky are gray,
here in the heart of sleeping snow,
now is the time to sayyes to the sprouting
vallenwoodin the green countryside,
for these things are far larger than
a man's word to his bride.

Through these promises we keep,
forged in the yawning night,
proved in the presence of heroes
and the prospect of spring light,
the children will see moons and stars
where now the dragons ride,
and humble things made large by
a man's word to his bride

Goldmoon:
Wars have settled on the North
and Dragons ride the skies,
"Now is the time for wisdom,
"Say the wise and the nearly wise.
"Here in the heart of battle,
the time to be brave is at hand.
Now most things are larger than
the promise of woman to man."

But you and I, through burning plains,
through darkness of the earth,
affirm this world, its people,
the heavens that gave them birth,
the breath that passes between us,
this alter where we stand,
and all those things made larger by
the promise of woman to man.

I could still remember that words you've told me back then, "there are a lot of things we still dont know... and a lot of things we will never understand... but we have tonight... its the 3rd of September...I wanna remember that..."

I'll always chersih the things we've done and been through, coz of you i found my smile again and I can look at the world in a different view. Thank you so much.

Happy 1st Anniversary Jon!

My heart problems

2007-09-01T15:43:00.000+08:00

Exam weeks are finally over - Thank God for that. Now I can relax and take it easy for a while. Hopefully, I'll pass those tests, even if I don't get the highest scores, for as long as I pass it's fine by me. You wouldn't imagine how hard I studied for those 3 subjects, and yet I spent almost 1 week in advance just studying 1 major. To be honest, I didn't expect that I was pushing myself too hard for those tests. That it came to the point that it affected my health.

Yesterday was our last day of examination, and I was so excited to end it. But by the time I got hold of my exam papers, something strange happened to me. I got the sudden feeling of pressure in my chest, that it feels that it was aching. The pressure was making it hard for me to breathe and at the same time I felt dizzy. My heart palpitations were triggered again, in which I call "skipping", coz my heart was skipping beats for a moment.

I got scared at first coz it was my first time to experience such sensation or feeling. Some questions are forming inside my head that I couldn't shake it off. "What's happening to me?", "Am I gonna die?"

I know, it scared me too, and I tried not to think of it. I tried to calm myself and raise my hand to call the attention of our prof. But little by little, the feeling finally subsided. I was kinda relieved, knowing that for now I'm ok.

After the exams, I headed straight home and drank and glass of water then rested for a while. I felt better and I immediately texted my mom and Jon about my recent episode. Mom called me and said to recline my bed and rest, Jon said to rest for a while and stay with my aunt and cousin so that I have someone with me, in which I obeyed.

By the time my folks were home, I told them what happened to me. They called the hospital and fixed me an appointment with a cardiologist. It's a good thing that the doctor was nice and he seem approachable. And so I told him everything about my palpitations and stuff. He asked about my eating habits and study habits. And said that my chocoholic behavior is affecting my heart, same goes with softdrink and coffee. Coz they serve as stimulants to trigger heart palpitations.

The doc said that I'll be under observation fo 3 weeks w/o any caffeine products, such as softdrinks, chocolates, coffee and etc. And if after 3 weeks my "skipping" continues, they'll fix me up with a 2D echo for my heart,as well as ECG. And if they find something, they'll hook me in a holster for 24hr observation.

And so for now, my doc advised me to lay off the chocos and coke for a while and rest. Hopefully, things will turn out ok. I'm sorry for the problems I've caused you all people, especialy my paents and hubby. Thank you for your concern and support.

My Other Self

2007-08-28T21:12:00.000+08:00

I'm in the middle of my midterm exams, so I'm kinda stuck under a pile of thick books. I've been feeling restless lately, maybe it's due to stress. I've been reading a lot of chapters everyday, memorizing formulas and doing projects and stuff for school.

A lot has happened to me lately since my last update here. Like last Aug. 27, Monday, was one of our monthsarries again, well actually it was our first anniversarry celebrating it. UC and I call it "E-day". For those who are curious about E-day, it was the time UC eloped me as Kira as to Lacus. Where Kira (played by UC), snatched Lacus (me) away from the Trinity ship and flew to someplace else to eloped. This happened last Aug. 27 2006 at GSR Pioneer Borad, View Deck. And last Monday was our 1st anniv. celebrating it.

Well, enough about that. The reason I posted this time is to share to you all one of my most feared nights that happened to me last night.

I had trouble sleeping last night, and I called UC to keep me company for a while. Luckily, he too was awake. So we talked for awhile, and then finally sleep won over my hubby. I've let him go ahead of me, coz I've been feeling a bit droopy by that time. So by the time I said my goodnights and goodbyes, I closed my eyes and tried to sleep, but to no avail. I've been awake for an hour or so, and I'm guessing it was 12 mn by then.

My head had been filling some stuff that I can't recall, then soon after I was in dreamland. Dreams can either be pleasant or haunting. But by that time, it scarred me big time. I dreamt about being in an underground place, where it's hot and dark. I can feel its hot coz the walls were releasing smoke. It was dark, and the only thing that lit the place were the red flames below me. I could see myself in a high place, kinda like a rocky mountain, and I was riding some sort of cart. I guess, I was trying to get out of the so-called hell that I was in.

I felt the hot air flowing against me as it brushes against my hair. The cart was rolling faster and faster as it drops down below. And by the time I was near the exit, someone grabbed my hand from behind and tried to pull me down. When I looked back, I saw myself.

An exact copy of me, was pulling me down. She was angry at me, staring at me with her sharp glares. I tried to get away, but her grip was just too tight. She said to me, "This is all your fault! I am here because of you! You're to blame of what I am now! It's all your fault!"

She yelled at me angrily as her voice echoed underground. I was confused in my dream. Why does she look like me? Why is she angry at me? What did I do? I kept on asking myself those question in my dream. And yet, I dunno the answers.

I kept on jerking my hand away from my "other self", and at last I broke free. I saw here being dragged by the fast moving cart. Her limbs were being torn apart by the friction against her body by the rough surface. She was hurt and wounded by the process, and still she held a strong grip in the cart, not letting go no matter what. Her stares were still looking straight at me, her eyes were full of anger and rage. "This is all your fault!" she kept on yelling.

But as for me, all I did was cry that night. I kept on telling myself, "no... it's not my fault... no". I was confused about what I saw, she was just like me, a complete copy of me, and yet she hates me. Maybe that girl in my dream, is my "other me" that hates me. A part of me that resembles my negative side that hates my existence.

Now I ask - why?

I was scared, so scared that I was panicking when I woke up this morning. The dream frightened me, that it got to the point that I'm not myself a while ago. I ate little breakfast coz i don't have the appetite, I kept on forgetting my stuff for school and the things I have to do for this day.

The things I feared that happens to me at night are the haunting nightmares I experience during my slumber. I was so scared of sleeping, that the only way I find comfort and peace is when I'm with Jon. At least, even just for a while, I can sleep knowing that he'll be there to protect me.

11th Mcdo-day!!!

2007-08-24T18:12:00.000+08:00

Today is our 11th Mcdo-day monthsarry!!! hooray!!! Ever wonder what's Mcdo day? It's one of our 4 monthsarries, to be honest I like celebating occasions, it makes me feel important or something.

Well, to better understand what Mcdo-day is, it all started last Sept. 24 2006. It's the day where I first my Significant Other (UC). By that time, me and UC were already a couple, but we haven't seen each other yet. I was paticipating in a swimming event to be held at Ateneo. I was one of the chosen ones to represent our school. I'm on the 50 meter swimming event.

To be honest, I didn't expect to win, like I always say: I just wanna try out new things and have fun- So I gave it a shot! My mom and my lil bo came to see me compete, I'm glad they were there to support me. It was my first time at Ateneo, so I haven't seen their pool yet. And when I did - heck! is that really a 50 meters? it looks more of 100 to me! It a good thing i only need 2 lap.

Like I said, i don't expect to win. One reason is that, my lungs aren't that strong, and so as my heart. But then again, swimming is good exercise for lungs. So I did the preps and the warm-ups and talked with my friends for a while to gain confidence. I was sooo nervous back then, all those people watching me swim.

And so, by the time my event is up, I kinda felt stiff. My friends even yelled out "Tingin naman dyan Aikka!!! Heck! i was so nervous, i don't even know what to do! The whistle blew and off i went to a dive. SPLANK!!! Yeah splank, not splash, coz i did a terrible dive back then, I was kinda distracted by my other opponent of what she did, she jumped, not dive! That's supposed to be disqualified right?

Anyways, the end point here is that i finished the race, yet i didn't win - yeah i lost. But at the same time, I enjoyed it. Coz after that, I went together with my friends at Mcdo to celebrate one of my classmates victory. She won 2nd place!

But all those smiles and laughs were not really how i feel back then. I was depressed and lonely by that time. I was having problems back home, maybe sometime I'll let it out, but not right now. I was planning of unning away, i got all the things i need in my backpack. But all the things fell off when UC came into the picture.

He texted me, and was worried about me. So he decided to see me, to check up on me. At first, i don't want to see me like this, not in a condition of depression. But then again, i really needed someone to talk to. By the time all my friends left, UC came.

He was wearing red with a messy bed hair, while I was wearing pink with pigtails. Both of us weren't not in a good outlook, but it didn't matter to me. All i need is someone to talk to, and share my feelings and grief.

I was happy, finally seeing my Significant Other, and I was happy coz he was there to cheer me. We stayed and ate for a while. Then he gave my a ride home. Before I left, i gave him a litle thank you, a kiss on his cheek. I dunno what i did, but i just felt like doing it. Spur of the moment so they say.

And so that day, i'll never forget the 24th, i'll forever cherish and remember it... with all my heart.

Hit the books!

2007-08-21T15:50:00.000+08:00

Gyaaaahhh!!! my teeth still hurt and now its climbing up to my head! The pain is killing my concentration while studying for the midterms. Oh yeah, midterms are on their way and i have to study. For now, I'm reading in advance for ONE subject. Yep, just 1 subject, coz this one is totally giving me the pain.

4 chapters down and 8 more to go *grumbles*, this is what I hate about college life. And to add up the pressure, the subject is my LEAST fave subject which is, NCM - Maternal and Child. Don't get me wrong, the topics in this subject are very interesting. From the typical woman's diet to the pains of vaginal labor, to the infant's development up to adolescent life. But the problem is, the prof - I already gave my ranting about him on HTVF, but I wanna share it again.

He's a Registered Nurse in our hospital (FEU-NRMF), an ICU nurse to be exact. But he's quite different from the ones I met before. He's the type of prof where he'll teach lessons in a story-telling technique. In a way that he's just reading the stuff he's saying directly from the book! Yeah, he has notes, but the notes came from the book itself too, so if you just listen attentively you'll find the words he's saying from the book pronto!

I know I'm not in the position of questioning his teaching techiniques, but what can a lil student like me do? And because of him, my grades almost flunk for the prelims. So i gotta work double or even triple this time.

And so right now, the thing im doing so i won't get pressured, is that im reading 2 chaps everyday before the exams. This way, at least I can manage to fully understand the book, and probably and hopefully pass that exam.

My monthly pain and suffering...

2007-08-19T19:13:00.000+08:00

It hurts! oowwieee! >_<

Today was my monthly visit to the dentist to change my brace wires. And today was totally and extra painful. Yeah, my dentist removed my ligature wires, but she replaced it with a thicker wire (.18 something i think). It feels so heavy and irritating, and coz of that my head is hurting too. I feel that my whole mouth is aching, and so I'm under soft diet again for 72 hrs. I can't even chew rice now.

Gomen, I can't post much for today, it's because of the pain I'm suffering right now, and I can't think straight.

Till next time!

My new gig!

2007-08-18T18:48:00.000+08:00

I dunno why I suddenly thought of starting a new gig for myself, and that would be COSPLAYING. I dunno. Maybe I just wanna try out new things that I haven't got the chance to do. And while I'm young and alive, I wanna bring out the Otaku-ness living inside me. So by the time I'm old and retire, I have stories to share to my children. (ok, im being emotional XD)

Anyways, I've decided to cosplay my fave character of all time - Lacus Clyne!. I gotta start to walk, talk, and act as the pink haired songstress. It's hard to practice by myself and practically this is my first cosplay. My debut appearance will be on the Hero Event this coming December 1 and 2. To be honest, I'm kinda nervous about it, but I'm determined to do it! I dunno I f I'm gonna do a Lacus speech or sing a Lacus song, either way, I gotta be like her.

As for my get-up, I asked a fellow forumer I met at FilCosplay and HTVF to personally make my costume. It was so very nice of Ate Maiya to do that, well she is starting a business for cosplaying so I might as well approach her. My kunoucihi outfit plus my robe will cost me more or less 2k. For my white boots is 500-600 bucks, then my pink wig for almost 2k, my haro for 400 bucks, my hairpin for 100 bucks. So all in all, it'll cost me 5k for my costume. Shocking isn't it? Well that's what gonna cost me for my debut XD

But I don't think about the money, what I'm thinking is the support. Since this is my first cosplay, I'll be needing lotsa support from you guys. I know I'm still a newbie when it comes to this, and I don't expect to win in the contest, I just wanna have fun. Hopefully, my friends and classmates will be there, and so as my forum friends. UC even joked about "renting" the TOG boys from HTVF to root for me. But then again, I'd really appreciate it if they would. *giggles*

And so, time flies by quickly, and all I can do is wait and practice being In Character for the event. I'll see you all there ok? good luck to me and to the HERO cosplaying group!

Lonely rainy days

2007-08-17T09:59:00.000+08:00

Great! just great! No classes today due to that storm,and now I'm dumped with school work and Nursing Care Plans to be submitted tomorrow. Plus I have my Case Presenation and Drug Study tomorrow too!!! I need my groupmates to finish their part, and now i dunno what to do. *grumbles*

To add up my misery for today, I didn't get half my allowance. I desparately need money for my costume for the upcoming Hero Event, and now I'm lacking 500 bucks!. How I wish there will be class tomorrow again.

Coz of this storm, I missed 2 duty days to the hospital at NICU (Neonatal Intensive Care Unit). I miss my lil baby boy client already. During my hospital duties, I've decided an area to focus my skills, and that would be NICU. I just love the babies, I love the way I carry them and cuddle them, then feed them and bathe them. They can be noisy and annoying sometimes, but they're irresistably cute! Don't you agree?

Well, as a student nurse, I know that there are a lot of things I should know first before deciding on what to be exactly. I know that neonates and pedias are hard to take care of, coz they can't easily say if there is something wrong with them. They can't tell you immediately that they're hurting of there is something wrong. That's why, I have to work harder, strive and survive.

I guess, I have a weakness when it comes to emotional parts. You can say that I have low Mental Endurance, and all i can do is hide it behind a mask. Sometimes, being strong is where you'll be more vulnerable. Well, nobody is perfect, and I'm sure for a fact that I'm not perfect. That's why I have friends and family for support.

Welcome my friends

2007-08-16T12:44:00.000+08:00

Hello my friends, my name is sacred_essence, my forum friends calls me Lacus Clyne or SE, while others call me by my nickname - Aikka.

Welcome to a new verse in my song. In here, I will share my joys and happiness, my tears and my sorrows, in a way that my voice will somehow be heard.

My life as a teenage girl, a typical college student, and a striving student nurse. I'm a 19 year old girl, who lives a normal life with my small family. I'm currently in a very happy and satisfied with guy, that goes by the name Ultimate Coordinator aka Kira Yamato. Yeah, I know. There's a huge age gap between us, but can you blame love because of that? It doesn't matter to me anymore, I love him the way he is and they way he will be in the future. And I know he feels the same way too.

I'm a 3rd year Nursing student, studying at Far Eastern University - Dr. Nicanor Reyes Medical Foundation (FEU-NRMF). I just started my duty at the hospital, and as far as Im going along with it - i kinda like it. Taking care of people is nice in a way, but at the same time, it can get scary and sad. But then again, this is where I learned more about living, and how precious life could be.

As the unica hija in the family, I can say that Im quite pampered in both sides of the clan. Some says Im a total spoiled brat, coz i tend to get whatever I want (most of the time). But think again- I have my limits too. I have a lil bro, most of the time he either bullies me or snobs me. But I can't blame him, my bro is kinda special, unfortunately he's deaf. And so for that, I can understand him in a way. All i can do now, is to support him in all the best I can, and help him somehow to let him hear the music of the world.

Before I end this entry for today, I'd like to thank all of you who are reading this blog. Im happy to know, I am not alone.

Please hear me, hear my voice, hear my calls, hear my songs - The Songs In My Heart.